


What We Owe To Each Other

by Bluebellepeppers



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Childhood Trauma, Established Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, Family Dynamics, Family Issues, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Dís, POV Thorin, Thorin apologizes in this one but not to who you think, but in the past, by both dis and thorin, discussion of past trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:41:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28544211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluebellepeppers/pseuds/Bluebellepeppers
Summary: Bilbo and Thorin are fine, happy, and married. But Dis is returning to the mountain, and she isn't happy. Can Thorin and Dis reconnect? Can they fix what has been broken since they were kids?Where Thorin has changed, and Dis has old wounds that need to be healed.
Relationships: Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, Dís & Frerin & Thorin Oakenshield, Dís & Thorin Oakenshield
Comments: 30
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> @lildreidel helped me tremendously with this fic's concept, and so yall need to go check out his stuff. Hope yall enjoy!

Dis came to stay 1 year and 7 months after Erebor was retaken. Nearly 5 months after Bilbo and Thorin wed in front of their people. Fili and Kili were healed by the time of her arrival, and she was saved from the memory of their still bodies on healing cots. But not from the toil it had on their bodies.  
Thorin welcomed her. What else do you do, when the only other kin in the world that knows your soul wants to come and stay. Dis knew above all others the work he went through, the trials he paced, to get their people where they needed to be. She may not know him like a sister would, but she knew him nonetheless. 

Bilbo knew him well. He often proved as much, tuning his questions to a crinkle of Thorin’s brow or the set of his mouth. He told him as much, when he whispered sweet things in his ear late at night. But he was not there at Moria, and he was not there the day the dragon fell upon them.  
Dis did not know him as Bilbo did. It is the way of the world, to have one who knows you best while everyone else possesses a shadow of you. But Dis knew his history the way Bilbo knew his thoughts. 

Bilbo asked him about it one night, early in their courtship, when everything was tender and new. He asked him about Moria. Thorin’s gut twisted as Bilbo spoke of Balin’s story. It was a tale of glory, of proof of his rule and power. But it was false. He had been a child shoved into a war.  
Thorin hesitated. It was not a good story, it was not kind. And he was warm, and calm, curled against Bilbo in the dying light of their hearth. But he sighed, and began to dig up old hurts.  
“I was barely old enough to fight. But my father needed all the soldiers he could have, so I came to his aid, along with my brother and sister.”  
  
Bilbo shifted, turning to face him. His hands came searching, and Thorin gently took them into his own. Wide eyes stared as Thorin continued to speak.  
“It was a slaughter.” He rumbled, his breath ruffling the top of Bilbo’s head. “We lost too many. I was terrified, and most of it was a blur while I swung wildly at anything that didn't have a beard. I-”  
Thorin paused to breath. Even now, safe behind stone walls with his love, he found a catch in his throat and tears in his eyes. He could, with careful practice, tell this story as stone faced as a statue.  
But Bilbo wanted to understand. Protecting him as he would a young dwarf would not help either of them, because then he would not understand.  
So he took a breath and continued.  
“And after I took up my shield and cut Azog’s arm, which I barely can remember beyond the overwhelming sense of fear... I went searching for my remaining family.” 

Bilbo’s gripe was cold and hard, but it kept him in place. That he was here, that he was not drenched in sweat and blood and screaming. But words of another time ghosted his lips. It froze his throat and coiled up into his stomach.  
“Oh dear..” Bilbo murmured, reaching one hand up to trace Thorin’s face. Thorin leaned in to the warm touch. Bilbo gently leaned forward, for there was not much distance between them, and placed a soft kiss to Thorin’s brow. He moved back, resting his head on his other hand.  
Thorin’s throat cleared, and he began to continue, because once he was done, this story could finally be laid to rest.  
“I found my sister crying over the body of my brother.” Thorin spoked softly, “She cried into my shoulder, but all I could feel was tired. We couldn’t bury him. We didn’t have time.”  
Thorin’s voice cracked and he shakily pressed his forehead to Bilbo’s.

“That night we watched our kin go up in flames. It stunk, and we were dirty, and cold despite the fire. Dis latched onto me and we stayed together until the next morning.”  
Thorin broke, and tears ran down his cheeks and into his beard. Bilbo quickly moved so that Thorin was resting on his arm, and Bilbo’s gentle hand stroked through his hair. Thorin pressed his face into Bilbo’s chest.

They fell asleep pressed together, and though they did not speak much the next day, Bilbo clearly understood. From that day forth, their home was a calmer one. Bilbo defended Thorin with a new light in his eyes, a new tenseness to his stance.  
It was not necessary, but Thorin loved him for it all the same. 

What Bilbo did not know was that soon he would be defending Thorin from Dis. 

She came in swiftly and silently, which was odd. Dis was never one to hold back sharp words. But she had a calculating look that spoke of trouble, and Thorin left her silence alone. It wouldn't last long.  
She was cordial enough meeting Bilbo, if not somewhat terse. But Bilbo was married to Thorin. He could handle a little dwarf terseness. And by the end of the day he had more or less charmed her, and they got on well enough. 

Thorin did not have such luck. The minute she had a moment alone with him, she let out the words she had been saving for years. How unlucky of him that it happened to be in his chambers. 

“How-how dare you. I trusted you with them. You promised me that not a hair would be harmed on their heads and I would have them back safe in my arms.” Dis spoke evenly, each word getting louder than the next. She looked as graceful as ever, only the tight curl of her fists as any indication of her mood.  
Thorin just listened with tired eyes.  
“And now I come back to find my boys- my dear, lovely, *hale* boys, damaged. Kili cannot see out of one eye. Fili has a limp that will never go away.” She circled Thorin like a hawk. Always the predator, never the prey. She would never let herself be preyed on again, and those defences did not go down easily, Thorin knew well enough. 

“YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO PROTECT THEM.” She roared at him, and he felt relief. Because once she started yelling, she would soon stop and leave him alone. He was guilty enough over his nephews, no lecture of hers would have effect. Not now, not after so much has changed. There was a time where a sharp word from her could bring him crashing down. Back when they were almost siblings, when they could've been a true family.

“Dis-” He tried to speak, but her sharp gaze shut him up. He felt a sharp pang. She should be coming to him for comfort or or, *anything* other than scolding him like a child. Had he not cared for her, clothed her, raised her, when no one else could? Where did she come from demanding he move the world when he had already moved mountains for her.  
But for once in his life he bit his tongue and was silent. 

Her voice was quiet now, jagged at the edges and raw.  
“I have nothing in this world but my sons. I’ve lost too much, seen too much. I will not lose them too.”  
Thorin winced. He should be in her list. But in her line up of all that mattered in the world, he had a begrudging spot at the end of the line. Her dead husband came before him. Friends even came before him. 

Thorin loved her. He did. It was cold, and it was distant, but it was love. They had never been close, not even as children, before the world fell to their feet. She and Frerin had been close, while Thorin took up the heavy mantle of the Heir apparent. Where she had a childhood, Thorin had work. Frerin had been their common bond.  
But Smaug destroyed any hope of what they could have had. They were children, but that did not matter. Only Dis was able to avoid work, as she could barely walk let alone take orders. Thorin was left to raise his siblings. And Thorin did his best to protect them. He covered for Frerin when the younger boy snuck out to play with friends, and Dis was given the best of the food and clothing. He was there for them when his father couldn't be. 

As soon as they could, they all took positions far above their skill levels and age. As soon as Dis was old enough to follow orders, she took to the healing tents, staying late into the night only to watch most of her patients die. Far from the watch of her family, her smile diminished.  
Frerin became the people’s prince, often found helping with everyday tasks, singing cheerfully with a different group every night, or telling stories to the children. He appeared eternally youthful, and nothing seemed to damper his spirits. Everyone loved him.  
Thorin led where his father and grandfather could not, so blinded they were by their gold sicknesses. He did not hate them for it, but he knew Dis did.  
He also knew that when Dis found Frerin’s body amongst the dead, she had wished it had been Thorin instead. 

So instead of fighting, he gave in. He was tired, and what he wanted most in the world was to curl up with his husband and hide from the world.  
“I’m sorry.” He said softly. It felt odd on his tongue, the words garbled in his throat. 

Dis froze in her tirade, and spun to face him, finally circling in on her prey.  
“What did you say?” She asked, dangerously quiet. Her cold blue eyes burned into his own, and once again the unfamiliar words graced his lips.

“I’m sorry. I know I promised to protect them, and I couldn’t. You’re right. You can take whatever action you wish, as is allowed by our code.” He said. Bowing his head, he watched her through his curtain of hair. He flushed with fear. Her eyes widened and she backed up as if stung. Dis was never kind when applying the dwarven codes, and often overzealous. This they both knew.  
But she did not take his offer. Instead, she turned on her heels and marched out of his quarters, slamming the heavy stone door behind her.  
Thorin stared at the door in shock. She never stopped her tirades, especially when they're justified. But then again, Thorin had never tried apologizing. They used to fight endlessly, and never once did he simply take it. He always yelled back. 

But he was not the same dwarf. No, he had nearly died, and everything became much more precious. And perhaps….perhaps Bilbo had changed him. Love cannot change a person. Fitting two lives together doesn't magically fix them. But sometimes they can meld into each other.  
No, Bilbo did not change him by the power of love or some other youthful nonsense. What he did was knock sense into an old fool's head. He showed him that being wrong was not the worst thing that could happen. Many other things were worse. 

But he and Dis didn't apologize. They waited eachother out, simmered in silence until they both yelled and moved on. There was no place for weakness in those early days after the dragon, and they both were hardened from it. 

“Well, I’d say that went terribly.” Bilbo’s voice carried from their little kitchen, along with the clank of dishes.  
Thorin chuckled mirthlessly. Trust his burglar to be listening in. He didn't really blame him. Bilbo was protective of him, he knew that much, and could not stand for unfair words thrown Thorin’s way. 

“Would you be shocked to know that was the best conversation I’ve had with her in years?” Thorin called back, following the sounds of dinner into his kitchen. It was small and hodgepodge, as his rooms hadn’t originally had a kitchen, but it was theirs. A combination of Bilbo’s cooking supplies from the Shire and dwarven cookware made an odd look. But it was fitting, Thorin supposed.  
Bilbo was chopping some vegetables by the sink, and he paused and turned to greet his husband. Thorin leaned in for a soft kiss before sitting at the little table nearby. He snagged a scone from the basket in the middle.  
“I don’t know how to connect with her.” Thorin sighed, picking apart his scone. 

“You’re going to ruin your supper.” Bilbo replied, snagging a piece from Thorin’s pile of crumbs. He popped it into his mouth and raised an eyebrow, clearly waiting for Thorin to continue.  
“Bilbo, you knew Dis and I... all we had was each other. No one else saw the real me then, other than her..” Thorin trailed off and shrugged. Bilbo made a sympathetic noise as he put together their supper. 

“But we were never siblings. Especially after Fr- after my brother died. And we never had time to try.” He sighed. Thorin finished off his scone and rose to stand beside his husband. He helped carry the dishes back to the table, and set it up. It was simple. But in that little kitchen with a tiny table, it might as well have been fit for a king. 

“You have time now.” Bilbo said, handing a serving spoon to his husband.  
Thorin nodded slightly in acknowledgement, but did not speak. They mostly ate in silence. Bilbo knew that if Thorin needed to speak, he would, but no amount of trying would force him to share more than he wanted to. Thorin cleaned the dishes and Bilbo slipped off to get ready for bed.  
Thorin never thought he would enjoy simple tasks, like doing the dishes. But besides the occasional wet food that got stuck to his hand, he surprisingly enjoyed it. And his reward was Bilbo’s smile. 

He finished and followed after Bilbo, preparing his own way to bed. He often slept with only a light pair of shorts, so it wasn’t much work. What was work was his hair. He sat at their little vanity, which he had salvaged from his mother’s rooms. It was worn, and had scratches and marks in odd places. 

He began to unbraid his hair. First he removed his beads, then carefully unwrapped the braids they accompanied. Thorin had four braids in total. The two that hung on each side of his face, which were his braids of adulthood along with beads representing his family. The other two were more specific to him. One with 5 different beads that told of his tales proving him as king, necessary for any court meeting. And the last one was his most treasured of all. This one only Bilbo could unravel.  
“Are you ready for my help?” Bilbo asked softly, coming up behind Thorin. Bilbo’s gentle hands rested on his shoulders, and Thorin leaned back into the touch. He closed his eyes and began to hum as fingers began to take apart his wedding braid with practiced care.

One thing that he kept on for the night was his wedding band. In accordance with hobbit tradition, they had tied a ribbon and placed rings upon each other's fingers, promising long vows of companionship. Thorin had been rather flustered about the whole thing. Dwarves marry quietly and privately, as many consider it a moment to bare their soul to the one they love.  
Hobbits, Thorin quickly learned, were very open people. They invited everyone they knew to the wedding, and provided food and entertainment. Thorin had to dance, to his horror, in front of everyone.  
But it was worth it to see Bilbo so happy, and to meet all his relatives. Some of them were less pleased to meet Thorin, but nothing could’ve dampened his spirits that day. 

“All done.” Bilbo said, breaking into Thorin’s thoughts. He kissed the top of Thorin’s head before leaving him to go sit by the fire. Something Bilbo had said early shifted in his mind. 

“Do you think...it's possible to fix anything. After so many years of. Everything.” Thorin asked, his eyes trained on his beads, neatly placed on the dresser beside him. 

“If I can face a dragon, you can face your sister.” 

“We had to kill the dragon.” Thorin responded, a smile tugging at his lips.

“Bard killed the dragon. We just had to wake it up.” Bilbo replied tartly.  
Thorin watched Bilbo through the mirror. He knew that his husband had tenuous relationships with his family, and no siblings to speak off. But he was smart. Perhaps with Bilbo on his side, he could try. And hopefully it would go better than the last time they woke a dragon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin gets lost in the past, finds wonderful food and has a difficult discussion with Dis.

Dis was not at breakfast. His nephews attended, as was required, but were mum on the issue of their mother. They were very happy to talk about anything else, and everyone else quickly followed.  
But Thorin could not keep his mind off of her. He had devised a bit of a plan the night before, as he listened to Bilbo’s breathing in the dark warmth of their bed. To start small, to try and trade a kind comment or glance instead of silence and glaring. But he couldn't start if his target was out of reach.  
Thorin had no meetings that day, and he took to wandering. He let his stone sense guide him, barely acknowledging where his feet fell. But soon he stumbled across somewhere he never went. The old royal chambers. 

His childhood was housed here, in the crumbling stone and rotting wood. When they retook Erebor, he had chosen chambers as far as possible from his old rooms. Part of him feared that his grandfather’s sickness still lay there, waiting to strike. A more logical part of him knew that nothing was left there, and it would only cause pain to try and salvage it. The beautifully gilded decor of his childhood had been stripped by Smaug, leaving the rest to rot.  
He stopped in front of one of the doorways. If he was correct, this had been Dis’s nursery. She had barely been old enough to walk. Thorin stepped into the room, gently pushing what remained of a door to the side. It was dark. Only a small window shone over a stone crib. Thorin took one of the torches from the wall and carefully lit it. 

Beyond the effects of age, the room was unchanged. No charring or burn marks to be seen, and Thorin could only assume the lack of treasure in the room had saved it. The only jewelry she had had was the beads that held her hair back, safely secured to keep her from eating them. 

Thorin smiled at the memory of tiny Dis, chewing on one of his mother’s beads. Fris, his mother, had been lucky the beads were attached to her hair at the time, or she never would’ve seen them again. Frerin had not been so lucky. One day, he and Thorin had returned from class just in time to watch in horror as their baby sister swallowed one of his court beads.  
Dis had been unharmed, of course, as dwarf children have the stomachs of steel. But they still knew to keep things out of her reach after that.  
Thorin stepped closer to the old crib, where remnants of a mattress, mostly rotted away. Just over the crib was a small shelf, where it sat. Her favorite toy. Thorin gently reached up and grabbed the little stone statue. It was a fox, carved just right to fit in a small hand. Their father had made it for her as a birth present. Thorin and Frerin had each received one too, both long lost. Thorin quietly slipped it into his pocket. 

Thorin’s torch sputtered out, leaving him in darkness. He quickly left the room, finding the dimly lit hallway close by. It was just as well, as not much else had ever occupied her room. She had chiefly shared Frerin’s toys, and when those weren’t enough Thrain would take her with him for the day.  
She would’ve had a good life here. Thorin knew well what she lost when the dragon came. He was, as expected as the Heir, quickly pushed into training. But Frerin, and by extension Dis, had been allowed to play much longer than he had. Even without the dragon, he had already been growing up too fast. Thorin sighed. There was no use mulling over the past. 

He left the rest of the rooms alone. Frerin’s had been burnt to pieces, being the closest to the entrance. The rest...the rest were just too painful.  
Thorin slipped out of the abandoned rooms and into the main hallway leading back to the occupied parts of Erebor. He was grateful no one was nearby. It wouldn't do for rumours to spread about the king who wandered around abandoned places alone. Even if he did have his sword on him, Dwalin would be furious if he found out. 

Thorin quickly rejoined the living, locating a market with ease. It was one of many, and part of the poorer sect if he recalled correctly. Or it used to be. Now, it was varied, as it had been first come first serve for the first few caravans of dwarves that moved to Erebor. Thorin felt it was a gift to his people, letting them take what they needed.  
This market was bustling. Noises and smells flooded his senses as he wandered through, and bright colors fought for his attention. It would’ve been overwhelming if it wasn't so wonderful. Seeing his city so unabashedly alive shook his thoughts of gloom, and he soon found a smile on his face as he walked. Most didn’t recognize him, only familiar with the glamoured up king from coronation day, and some didn’t even have that. 

But in his plain tunic and plain sword and armor, most simply thought him a lower guard or, even better, a new dwarf to the city. He relished the freedom. Soon a smell caught him and he followed it to a small stall, where a young dwarf was selling meat pies and lemonade.  
“Hi! What can I get you?” The young dwarf asked. Their hair was simple, but elegant, and Thorin’s eyes widened as he recognized the family crest on their beads.  
“Forgive me, but are you related to Vili, son of Fenli?” He asked quietly. 

The dwarf’s eyes widened and glanced around, before nodding hesitantly.  
“Yes, Vili was my father's brother.” They said, eyeing him suspiciously. 

Thorin knew he would have to reveal himself if he was going to get anywhere. He sighed, and slipped the signet ring from his pocket onto his finger.  
“I’m Thorin, Dis’s brother.” He spoke quietly and quickly, watching in mild amusement as the dwarf’s face lit up as their eyes landed on his ring.  
“Oh my king! I’m so sorry I didn’t recognize you!” They said, bowing their head slightly,  
“I am Bren, daughter of Dunli. At your service!” She gave another small bow. 

Thorin smiled and waved her back up. He didn't need to be bowed to, hardly anyone had bothered when he was a king without a kingdom, and it was still a little weird for him. Some would argue his ego would love it, but he found it disruptive. 

“I would like to buy two pies, if you have any.” He asked, nodding to the table behind her. She nodded back, quickly moving to put them together.  
“If I remember correctly, your family is all miners. Why-?” Thorin gestured to the little stall. It was small, but it was clean, and clearly well cared for.  
Bren flushed under his questioning gaze. 

“Well, after Vili and my father died, I didn’t exactly want to go mining.” She shrugged as she placed the bag of food in front of him.  
Thorin felt a pang as he remembered the night of the cave in. Vili had volunteered to help, even though he didn’t need to as the princess’s husband. But he wanted to go with his brother. And for that he died with his brother.  
Thorin shrugged off his thoughts and smiled slightly. 

“So who taught you to bake?” He asked, placing money into her hand.  
“My grandmother. She always loved it, but I’m the one who wanted to try and make a business from it.” She spoke happily, bustling around to put the money into a little box she pulled out from under the table.  
Thorin nodded thoughtfully as he bit into the meat pie. It was delicious. He barely bit back a groan, and quickly consumed the rest of the pie. He started in on the next one.  
“These are delicious.” He mumbled through a mouthful.  
Bren laughed, and handed him another one.  
“On the house.” She grinned, before turning to help the next customer. 

Thorin should’ve protested, but...the smell of the third meat pie was tantalizing, and he took it with thanks. He stepped away from the stall to let the other customers through, happily munching on his pie as he watched the people walk by.  
“Thorin?” 

Thorin froze mid bite and turned to face his husband. Bilbo stood in front of him, hands on his hips, and his shopping basket on his arm. It was wednesday. Of course. Thorin should’ve known that he would be out shopping.  
“Hello?” Thorin mumbled, mouth full.  
“I thought you were going to talk to your sister today?” Bilbo sighed. Thorin shrugged, still chewing his food, and Bilbo just shook his head. 

“Meat Pie?” Thorin finally managed, swallowing down the last bite of his food. It was the last one he had and he looked mournfully as Bilbo took it. Bilbo unwrapped the little pie and began to eat it. Thorin sighed sadly, and glanced back at the stand, which now had a long line.  
“What?” Bilbo stopped and looked at his husband. Thorin sighed again.  
“Thorin, why did you offer it to me if you wanted it.” 

Ah. Good point. Thorin sheepishly rubbed his hand on his neck, not meeting his husband's eyes.  
“I already had two….and I promised to keep you fed…” He mumbled as his face reddened. Unspoken was that Thorin had been trying to distract Bilbo from the topic of Dis.  
Bilbo rolled his eyes, and before Thorin could say anymore, he split the pie and handed Thorin one of the halves. 

They finished their pies, and began to wander through the rest of the market. Thorin offered his arm and Bilbo took it with a smile. By now most of the dwarves recognized them. It was hard to avoid, as everyone knew about the raven haired king and his hobbit husband. Even before either had acknowledged their feelings, rumours had been flooding the kingdom.  
Talk about the hobbit who sat at the king's bedside, waiting for him to wake. Who so easily stepped into what was needed. The hobbit who threw himself between the king and his attackers.  
Thorin smiled softly as he watched his husband bargain with the shopkeepers. He was so often reminded of how lucky he was. The course his life could’ve taken, had Bilbo not appeared when he did. 

“What is it?” Bilbo asked, one eyebrow raised. His mouth quirked into a smile as Thorin grinned back. Thorin had stared for far too long, but Bilbo was well accustomed to it, and likely already knew the source.  
“Oh nothing.” Thorin said. He took one of Bilbo’s baskets in one hand, and his husband's hand in the other. Thorin could hear Bilbo laughing quietly as he led him out of the market, and his own smile lingered.  
They returned to their quarters later that evening, after wandering the emptier halls of Erebor. It wasn’t often they got a day, or even an hour, completely to themselves, and they relished it. 

“I’m going to make myself some tea.” Bilbo said as they put away his purchases. Thorin nodded along. He put the bread in the loaf box and went to stand next to his husband, pulling out a mug for his own cup of tea.  
“No, _I’m_ having tea. _You_ , oh mighty king, are going to go talk to your sister.” Bilbo pulled the mug out of Thorin’s grasp and lightly pushed him away. 

Thorin sighed, and reached for the stone that sat in his pocket. As if he even knew where Dis was.  
As if reading his mind, Bilbo continued speaking.  
“Dis is in Balin’s office, helping with paperwork.”  
“How do you know that and I don’t,” Thorin asked, narrowing his eyes at his husband. 

Bilbo smiled placidly back and shrugged. He continued to make his tea, bringing a steaming mug over to the table in the corner.  
Thorin snorted. He shouldn’t be surprised. Bilbo had proven long ago how sneaky he could be. 

Thorin left the safety of his quarters in search of his sister. True to Bilbo’s word, she was sitting in Balin’s office sorting papers. He stood in the doorway and lightly knocked on the open door.  
“Balin, I told you I don’t need a break. Honestly, if you interrupt Thorin this much, I’m not surprised he barely has anything done.” Dis rambled without even looking up. Her voice was rough, and she blinked sleepily at the documents in front of her.  
Thorin cleared his throat and her head shot up. Her face hardened as she recognized who it was. He sighed internally. This wasn’t going to be easy. 

“Thorin? What are you doing here?” Dis asked. Her tone was more formal now, edging on coldness. Even Balin was treated kinder than he was. Not that Thorin really blamed him. Or Dis for that matter.  
“Can’t a brother come and check up on his sister?” Thorin tried, emulating a joking quote that he had often seen Kili use. But it fell flat in his voice. Thorin winced as Dis’s eyebrows rose.  
“He could, if that was something he did,” She sighed, “What do you want, Thorin?”

Thorin bristled at her choice of words. Usually he would respond with a rude tone, and it would lead to a fight. But he couldn’t risk that. Not this time. So he carefully chose his next few words, in the most neutral tone he could muster.  
“I was in the old Royal quarters.” He said, taking a few steps into the room. She hadn’t actually invited him in, but he could hardly shout their family business from across the room. 

Dis seemed to understand, as she didn’t snap immediately. Her eyes flickered to the chair in front of Balin’s desk, and back to him. But she was still, poised to attack if necessary. Thorin would have to do his best not to appear as prey.  
Thorin dared a few steps more, slowly pulling out the stone fox. Her face was impassive as he gently set it on the desk between them, although her eyes flickered rapidly between him and the statue.  
Words caught in his throat, and he winced at how every shred of eloquence left him. Trust Dis to tear down his defenses without a word.  
“I- I found this. In your old nursery.” He said. 

Dis hesitantly reached out for the fox. Once her fingers brushed stone, she took it into her hand and pulled it close to her chest. Thorin watched as she examined each detail closely.  
Thorin dared to sit as the silence smothered them both. He couldn’t relax in the chair, but his leg was acting up again and needed rest. He began to massage his lower leg.  
“Father made that for you, when you were born.” Thorin said quietly. He whispered, but still his voice echoed in the stone room. He kept his head down, pretending to focus on his leg as he spoke.  
“He made us all one. You’ll remember Frerin’s bear a lot better than your fox, I’m sure.”  
The mention of Frerin should’ve erupted something, but there was a rare patience stretching between them both. 

“I remember this.” Dis broke in sharply. 

Thorin nodded, continuing to focus on his leg. It really was bothering him, and his spine was starting to complain as well.  
“Father always said he chose well, giving you a fox. That you were, are very cunning. A strong figurehead for our people.”  
Thorin dared glancing up. Dis was still staring at the fox, as if in a trance. 

“I didn’t need to be strong. I was a child.” She whispered. Dis traced along the fox as she looked up at him. But for once, he didn’t feel like prey. Her eyes were hurt, but her usual coldness was gone.  
Thorin nodded in aqueses.  
“We were both children.” He responded. He dropped the facade of his hurt leg, although it really was hurting now. 

Dis sighed, gently placing the fox onto the desk. Her gaze was still drawn to it, but she spoke to Thorin.  
“I wanted to protect them. The way I-,” She glanced at him, “ _we_ weren’t.”

“You did.” Thorin said softly. He didn’t know how they had gotten this far. The connection felt frail, teetering on the edge of a knife. One wrong turn and they would both turn against each other. 

Dis shook her head, and Thorin could see the glimmer of tears forming in her eyes. One slipped down her cheek, tracing a line down her face. Dis rubbed angrily at it.  
“You did more than our parents ever could’ve. They never fought a battle until they were adults. You did well Dis.” Thorin tried again, this time reaching across the desk. He gently took her hand. Dis’s eyes widened.

“I couldn’t protect them from-from you.” She murmured, just barely loud enough for Thorin to hear. He winced, and felt his chest begin to ache. His own buildup of tears was putting pressure on his head, and if he wasn’t careful they would come out.  
Thorin removed his hand from her grasp, and stood. Dis looked up at him, and the coldness was back.  
“I’m sorry.” He said for the second time in two days, and left 

Thorin made it to his quarters before the downpour of tears started. He brushed off Bilbo’s questions as he came in, and curled up in his armchair by the fireplace. He numbly felt a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, and a cup of tea placed next to him.  
The fire burned bright, and Thorin let himself become lost in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: Dis's perspective on the whole thing, and someone has something important to say. 
> 
> I hope yall liked it! Would love any comments or kudos, thanks for reading!


	3. Scone?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dis makes an unlikely friend.

On principle, Dis never let down her guard. She could diminish it, hide it, make herself seem open when she needed to. Her sons saw the closest she ever got to being open, and even then they still knew she kept some things hidden.  
She liked it that way. No one hurt her, and she could still function in the hell she called life.  
Then the wretch of her brother came along and threw her childhood back into her face. A small piece of her protested that he only meant well, that perhaps this was a new leaf for him and possibly her. She ignored it. Thorin should’ve known what he was bringing up when he brought her that little fox.  
But then again, he was always oblivious to other’s feelings. Dis sighed as she scrutinized the statue in her hand. She knew it well, even after all these years. Her thumb found the spot where it had cracked. Dis had thrown it in a moment of foolishness at her brother, and cried when she found that part of it had broken.  
Now, she just found it fitting. Everything in her life, no matter how hard she tried to protect it, always ended up damaged. She had resigned herself to it long ago. Even her fury about the harm that came to her sons had an underlying current of grime acceptance.  
But now her brother was apologizing. She didn’t know what to do. Thorin didn’t apologize, not to her. He shut down, or blew up, but nothing was ever his fault. Dis often wondered if the burden he took of his people took up too much room, and that he couldn’t see anything, or anyone, else. Or maybe, he was just blind to her.  
She didn’t know which made her more furious. 

Dis rose from her seat, the chair loudly protesting as she did so. Balin’s office was simple and elegant, but his furniture was older than he was.  
She quietly entered the main hall, glancing around for anyone else. But the hall was empty. The lights flickered across the stonework, and she paused in her thoughts. Patterns she never thought she would see again laid in front of her. Years of work by her family, and all those who came before, to make Erebor a place of beauty.  
Thorin was lucky that he had succeeded, and could give such a place back to his people. Because had he failed, and still brought back two broken sons? He would no longer be living. 

Dis walked through the empty halls, the only sound the clunk of her boots against the stone. She still wore her traveling boots, thick and protective. But she wished to feel the stone against her feet, and to follow where Mahal led her.  
Doing something she hadn’t since she was a child, Dis slipped off her boots and stepped onto the cold stone. She shivered as her stone sense began to strengthen, and her muscles began to relax as she connected with the world. It was new and old all in one fell swoop. She had been too young to have more than fuzzy memories of Erebor, but Frerin had told her enough stories that she could map out most of the place. 

To be dwarven was to understand the workings of stone, and she had felt lacking in the years on the earthen surface. Dis closed her eyes, and took a step forward. A gentle pull took her down one hall, and then another. Familiar sounds of chatter began to fill her senses, but something deeper echoed. She knew this place. Frerin had spoken reverently of it, a courtyard where their mother grew mountain flowers, and he could seek refuge from the rest of the world.  
She opened her eyes and gasped. A century of wear and tear notwithstanding, it looked exactly as her brother had described it. The glass windows, somehow still intact, along one wall showed the setting sun. And, as if to complete the memory, a boy with golden hair sat on one of the stone carved benches. 

“Amad?” Fili asked, rising to greet her. She quickly realized that Kili was seated across from him, a small book in his hand.  
“My boys! I was wondering where you two went off to.” She smiled easily, any previous worries melting away. Her sons always won. 

Fili greeted her by gently pressing his forehead against hers, before breaking into a quirked smile and pulling back to give his brother a chance. Kili repeated the action, albeit more hesitantly than he had in the past. He was off center, but she adjusted for him, and he pulled back with his left eye focused on her and a smile.  
She let herself linger on his blind eye for far too long, only realizing it when her son’s smile began to slip away. She shook her head, and gave what she hoped was a reassuring smile.  
“What are you two up to?” Dis asked, taking a seat on the bench where Kili had been. Kili quietly sat to the right of her, while Fili sat back on the bench across from them.  
“Does it have anything to do with that little book of poems you’ve got there?” Dis spoke again, taking the book from Kili’s hands. His hands shook slightly after she took it from him, and her heart clenched before she quickly turned her attention to the book. 

“He’s trying to find a good love poem for his sweetheart.” Fili said, his grin widening.

Dis raised an eyebrow, eyeing the book in front of her.  
“In an elvish book? Certainly they’d like a more dwarven ballad.” She said. It was a pretty book, she could admit, with gold accents etched into a soft leather cover. Dis didn’t have anything against Elves. No more than the average dwarf, which added up to a fair amount of annoyance towards them. It wasn’t her fault that the elves took one look at her people and named them “stunted ones”.

Kili mumbled something into his hair. He sat angled so his good eye could watch her, and one hand idly played with the edges of his sleeves.  
“Sorry, dear, what was that?” Dis asked, although her own conclusions were already beginning to form. She wasn’t obtuse, she knew about the redheaded elf that saved her son’s life. No matter her opinion on elves, she would always be thankful for her.

“She’s an elf.” Kili said again, roughly shoving his hair out of his face. It was very messy, in desperate need of braiding and Dis’s fingers began to twitch.  
“Would she happen to be Tauriel?” Dis said, smiling.  
Fili let out a snort of laughter.  
“I told you she would know.” 

xXx

Thorin  
  
He woke the next morning to an empty room. The armchair that he had fallen asleep on creaked as he rose, and his joints ached. Thorin was too old to fall asleep in odd places, and yet he often did, his favorite armchair being the least odd place so far.  
Bilbo once found him asleep standing up, where he had been attempting to decipher a large set of documents that the Iron Hills had sent him. Thorin winced at the memory. He never did live that down.  
The fire that had consumed him the night before was nothing but ashes, and a cold tea cup sat by his side. His grief had burnt out as well, leaving behind only the familiar twinges of guilt. Dis had been right. She had predicted everything long ago, when he had come to her with his plan. And now she was reminding him of how much damage he had caused. 

Thorin had said sorry. He was sorry. He could not fix the past, and had to live with what he could not change. But Dis could only see him for what evil he had caused, and she didn’t even know the whole story. Imagine if she knew about his dragon sickness. Thorin shuddered at the thought. If he could help it, she would never know. She would never be as forgiving as Bilbo, or even as her own sons.  
Thorin dressed, taking time with his hair, as he knew that he had a court meeting later that day. And if he learned one thing from his grandfather, it was that the court should never know when the royal family was at odds with each other. They had to present as a unified front. He could only hope that Dis would remember that as well. 

The halls were quiet, as they often were mid-day. Thorin could hardly believe that he slept that late, but he hadn’t exactly been sleeping much for the last week. Everything had been such a blur, sleep had hardly been a high priority. It seemed the only time he saw his bed was when Bilbo was able to entice him to it.  
At least his meeting wasn’t till early evening. 

Thorin followed a familiar path to the library. When they had first moved into Erebor, Bilbo had taken up all his time there. Even once they had married, and Thorin insisted that Bilbo needn’t work if he didn’t want to, Bilbo still insisted on working in the library. He always told Thorin that he didn’t have much patience for meetings or courts, but wanted to help the way he could. Although he had agreed to deal with the elven dignitaries after one of Thorin’s particularly terrible meetings with Thranduil.  
Thorin quietly crept into the royal library. It was only royal in the way that it was funded, and the public was always welcome to it. Thus, Thorin could and had been mobbed by some very...enthusiastic.. citizens. Granted, it had been because he was unmarried, and according to Bilbo, very handsome, and many dwarrow hoped for a chance to catch his eye.  
Not that it had worked, as he and Bilbo had started courting soon after. It didn’t stop him from being hesitant every time he entered the library. He scanned the area for his husband, before his eyes finally landed on a tuft of gold brown curls behind one of the shelves. 

He was quickly at Bilbo’s side, placing a hand on his shoulder and kissing his forehead.  
“Hello, love.” Bilbo murmured, still half focused on the books in front of him. He shook his head and turned to kiss Thorin, his eyes bright with knowledge. 

“Did you just get up?” Bilbo asked as he pulled away, gently tracing the braid that hung along the left side of Thorin’s face.  
Thorin hummed in affirmation. He could never get used to Bilbo’s touch, nor the freedom of having his hands in his hair. But he rested in the affirmation that he would have a lifetime to get used to it. Secretly, he hoped he never did.  
“Thorin?” Bilbo’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts, “Thorin, are you even listening to me?”  
“Sorry amrâlimê, I was just thinking about how wonderful you are.” Thorin grinned cheekily, reaching up to trace the side of Bilbo’s phase. He heard a snort somewhere behind them that sounded suspiciously like Ori.  
Bilbo rolled his eyes, but his smile didn’t leave his face.  
“I was saying, we should invite your sister and the boys to a private dinner.” 

Thorin’s hand stilled. Bilbo’s smile began to drop. 

“If you want to, of course, I don’t want to-” He began to ramble, twisting his hands. Thorin sighed, and reached out to steady Bilbo’s hands with his own.  
“It’s...fine. We have to talk civilly eventually, right?” He said, smiling slightly. Bilbo’s shoulders slumped, and a relieved smile crossed his face.  
“I’ll go invite her.” Bilbo said, and Thorin nodded before leaning down to kiss Bilbo again.

xXx

Dis  
  
Dis avoided breakfast the next morning, again. Bombur let her scavenge in the kitchen, watching her with pursed lips and a raised brow, but he didn’t ask. They had come to an understanding. She let him try new recipes out on her, and he didn’t question her behavior, nor tell anyone where she was hiding in the mornings. It was the closest thing to a friendship Dis had had in a long time.  
She finished off her 3rd potato scone, still warm from the oven. Bombur stood in front of her, arms crossed in anticipation.  
“Well?” He asked, a singular orange eyebrow raised. 

Dis paused, and licked her lips. She vaguely remembered the taste of salt.  
“It was cooked.” She watched as a young dwarf brought a bowl of carrots to Bombur, realized who she was, and slinked off, eyes wide. 

“Hmph.” Bombur uncrossed his arms, taking the carrots out and beginning to chop them. He didn’t look at her.  
“What?” She griped. It was food. It went into her body for nutrients. It didn’t taste awful. What more did he want. Dis watched as Bombur continued to silently work away at the carrots. Root vegetables had always been a staple for Erebor, as they were easy to grow in their soil, and thrived under the glowing gems that they had in large supply.  
She had heard Bilbo was teaching the younger dwarves how to grow plants, and the old planting caves were starting to fill with small plots of potatoes and carrots. She didn’t know much about Bilbo, but she greatly approved of his course of action.  
Bombur made another disapproving noise. 

“I don’t know what you want from me.” Dis pleaded. She sounded genuine, and it surprised her. It wasn’t often she could be genuine to anyone but her boys. But in the last week, Bombur had managed to quietly worm his way past her defences. She hardly knew him, and he had taken her in as if they were kin.  
Bombur looked up at the sound of her voice, and something flashed over his face. Suddenly, his whole demeanor changed. 

“Dis….would you say you enjoy food?” He asked quietly. She was keenly aware of the nearby kitchen assistants eavesdropping, and it seemed so was he.  
Dis thought for a moment. Did she enjoy food? She hesitated before answering. 

“It’s…filling. It’s necessary for my body to function.” She finally answered. Dis felt confident in her answer, but that confidence began to shake as Bombur’s face flinched.  
“What food do you like to eat?” Bombur asked. He had stopped working, and was watching her intently.  
“Food that will keep me filled up.” Dis answered honestly. She knew that other people enjoyed food. Kili was partial to sweets, and Fili ate all the cheese in their house. But she never could shake the mentality of food just being a means to an end. Dis had had much more terrible things to worry about than whether she enjoyed eating. 

Bombur made a distressed noise, and grabbed ahold of one of her hands.  
“Come back tomorrow. I’m going to teach you how to enjoy food.” He said seriously, staring at her intently. Dis shifted in her seat, uncomfortable under his startlingly intense gaze.  
“Uh. Ok?” She finally muttered, and Bombur let go of her with a sigh of relief. Bombur returned to chopping the carrots as if nothing had happened, and a thought occurred to her.  
“What should I have said?” Dis asked. 

“Well, I don’t you lying, but a general “wow this is good” never hurt anyone.” He said, glancing up briefly to smile at her, her past transgression clearly forgiven.  
Dis’s stomach began to rumble again, and she grabbed a fourth scone. She tried to focus on the taste, but her mechanical habits soon took over. Again, all that was left in her memory was the taste of salt. She frowned at her food. Suddenly, she was very much bothered by the fact that she couldn’t compliment Bombur’s food genuinely. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” An unfamiliar voice broke into her brooding, and she glanced to her left. There her brother’s hobbit stood. She had met him, and had amiable conversation, but she hardly knew him. The lack of hair still threw her for a loop  
Bilbo Baggins shuffled awkwardly in front of her, not quite meeting her gaze. Dis rolled her eyes internally. Whatever he wanted, it was going to be painful for her.  
“Out with it.” She snapped after another awkward moment passed. Bombur let out a noise of disapproval from the stove, and she almost felt guilty. Almost.  
Bilbo winced, before something flashed in his eyes and he stood up ramrod straight. A voice of surprising conviction came out next.  
“I’m making dinner for Thorin’s family, including you. He would like you to be there.” Bilbo’s tone softened, “I would like you to be there.”

Dis watched him for a moment. He had a spirit she had not expected, although she had seen flickers of it when they met. A long moment passed between them, and she watched as his eyes grew colder.  
“When.” She asked tersely. While she didn’t appreciate Thorin sending his husband rather than facing her himself, the hobbit intrigued her. Bilbo blinked at her, as if he hadn’t expected to get this far. 

“T-Tommorrow. 6 pm,” Bilbo’s voice wavered before the same strength showed up again, and he folded his arms expectantly. 

“Do I need to bring anything?” She asked, her tone softer this time. Bilbo was quickly passing a test she hadn’t realized she was orchestrating. Bilbo responded quicker this time, and his voice was warm.  
“Just yourself. And the boys, though I doubt they need much convincing when my cooking is involved.” He chuckled, looping one thumb around his suspenders. Dis’s heart warmed at the affection that filled his voice at the mention of her sons, and somewhere in her heart a quiet voice applauded Thorin’s choice of spouse.  
Dis glanced around for something to keep him in the kitchen. She wanted to know more about this Bilbo baggins.  
“Scone?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bombur took one look at Dis, said "is anyone gonna take care of her?" and then didn't wait for a response. 
> 
> I am. so sorry for how long this chapter took. I had writing block for a while, and then my guitar started calling my name and it all went downhill from there. Hopefully you like it, I had a lot of fun writing Dis. I'm confident that the next chapter will come out a lot faster, as I actually have that one planned out lmao.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	4. Well, that could've gone better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a fairly intense chapter, and definitely a turning point for our Durin siblings.

The table was set, and dinner was quickly coming together. Their rooms smelled of garlic and roast, and there was a pit where Thorin’s stomach should be. Bilbo had already banished him from the kitchen after he caught Thorin sneaking pieces of fried potato, leaving the dwarf to sit in the sitting room and sulk.  
While it had sounded like a fine idea when Bilbo proposed it the day before, the prospect of spending a meal being cordial with his sister made him want to run. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to try, he knew from experience that it never worked. They had tried before. Dis used to invite him around all the time when her husband was still alive, and even with Vili there to mediate, they still had tension.  
Vili had been the only one who could get away with locking the two of them in a room and making them apologize. Thorin could recall many moments when he would be yelling at his sister, and Dis would be yelling back, and Vili would just sit back and smile until they ran out of steam.  
It was good luck that Fili inherited his father’s disposition. Thorin knew that he wasn’t easy to deal with, and to have his Heir be of a calmer demeanor was a blessing straight from Mahal. Still, Fili shouldn’t, and wouldn’t, be forced into the mediator position that his father willingly took up.  
So it would fall on Thorin to keep the peace. It should’ve always been his, and Dis’s, responsibility. But they had been young, and dumb, and stressed out, and Vili had been an easy crutch when being in the same room was arduous. 

The kitchen door opened, and Bilbo called for him from beyond the doorway. The smell of food strengthened, filling all of Thorin’s senses. Thorin quickly rejoined his husband in the kitchen, where he was handed a pan of potatoes. The steam wafted through the air as Thorin brought it out to the table. Bilbo brought the other pans, following quickly behind him. 

Thorin watched his husband put the finishing touches on the table, and a thought began to trouble him.  
“Bilbo?”  
“Yes, dear?” Bilbo asked, his eyes meeting Thorin’s from across the table. 

“Should...should an argument break out tonight. I don’t want you to interfere.” Thorin said. He placed a hand on one of the chairs, taking the top into a tight grip as he spoke.  
“I hardly think that there will be-” Bilbo walked to join Thorin on his side of the table. He brought a hand up to Thorin’s shoulder, and the warmth of it radiated through Thorin’s arm.  
“Please. Promise me. This is something I need to deal with alone.” Thorin said again, and he didn’t keep the pleading out of his voice. Bilbo squeezed his shoulder reassuringly.  
“I promise, but only if you tell me what happened later so you don’t bottle it all up.”  
Thorin gave a sigh of relief. “Deal.”

xXx  
Dis

She hesitated in front of the stone door. Did she really want to deal with her brother? Could she? A large part of her wanted to run and hide in the kitchens, under the comfort of quiet and Bombur. Dis knocked anyway.  
The door swung open, and Thorin stood on the other side. His smile seemed stilted, and he waved her in without a word.  
Good. Thorin looked as awkward as she felt. 

The room was warm, and smelled of cooking. She quickly spied the chicken roast, and potatoes, on what she assumed was their dining table. Bilbo stood nearby, hands on his hips. He had a frown on his face, but as she walked to the table, it was quickly replaced with a smile. 

“Dis! I’m so glad you came!” Bilbo said, and his genuine demeanor put her at ease. He waved her to the head of the table, insisting that she was the honored guest of the evening.  
Dis felt her cheeks flush. She was well accustomed to stiff gatherings, of respectful nods, letting her know that she was important. But Bilbo’s simple statement, and smile, took her aback.  
It had been a long time since anyone, outside her two boys, was genuinely happy to see her.

She quickly realized it was just her who had arrived on time.  
“Have you not seen the boys yet?” She asked Bilbo, as he handed her a glass of mead. 

Bilbo raised an eyebrow and shook his head. Dis sighed. The one time she left them to get somewhere on time, and they didn't show up. Fili had, on her arrival at Erebor, given a respectful lecture on how grown up her boys were. So she was trying, slowly, to relinquish her old habits. But she was stubborn, and her habits were just as stubborn.  
A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts, and she gave a sigh of relief. That had to be them. Youthful voices at the door confirmed her suspicions, and she tried to let the tension out of her body. It was going to be fine. 

“Your amad beat you here.” Thorin chided as he let the boys into the room. Kili quickly bounded over to Bilbo, pulling the hobbit into a tight hug. Fili came in just as steady, but slower than his younger brother. He found Dis, and gave her a brief hug before taking the seat behind her.  
“Haven’t you heard, being late is fashionable!” Kili laughed, his right arm draped around Bilbo’s shoulders.  
“I don’t think you understand what that means.” Bilbo rolled his eyes, but Dis could see that he was fighting a smile. Kili shrugged, before slinking off to sit with his brother. Soon they were all seated, Bilbo to Dis’s right and Fili to her left. Thorin snorted when Bilbo very pointedly took the seat, but took the one next to his husband without comment. 

The food was passed around, and Dis took a healthy portion of everything. She remembered her conversation with Bombur, and did not want to cause any offenses to Bilbo’s cooking. They had talked a bit the night before, and while she hadn’t gotten any real conversation out of him, he had certainly made her laugh. If anything, they needed some levity in the family that wasn’t Kili’s poorly timed puns. 

She looked up at the sound of a voice. Bilbo was smiling just as cheery as before, and she felt that she had missed something. Dis blinked at him, and he repeated himself.  
“I said, what do you think of the food?”

Dis hesitated before answering, trying to remember what Bombur had told her.  
“Wow...this is good.” She said slowly, smiling as pleasantly as she could. Bilbo nodded and returned to his food, but Thorin was watching her. He almost looked...amused? Dis raised an eyebrow at him, before turning to her son. 

“So, Kili, how have you been? Any news with Tauriel?” She asked, and tried not to grin as Thorin’s face twitched in the corner of her eye.  
Kili flushed, and glanced hesitantly between his uncle and Dis.  
“Uh….I’m working on a courting gift.” He said quickly, nearly losing the meaning of his words. Dis knew this tactic, considering Kili had been using it since he was 7 and barely talking. He was trying to hide the bite in the blur of it. But she and Thorin had long grown immune to his trick.  
“A courting gift.” Dis repeated, looking over at Thorin, a warning in her voice. Thorin didn’t meet her eyes, and she could see the tension building up in his shoulders. 

Kili nodded. “I’m hoping that she understands the traditions. I’ve been trying to drop hints without...telling an elf our secrets….” His voice trailed off nervously. Dis nodded, her eyes still focused on Thorin’s.  
“I’m sure that you can tell her. This is, after all, a unique situation.” She said. Thorin’s face tightened, and the familiar lines formed along his brow. 

“Yes, well, Balin explained everything to me! I’m sure he’d do the same for Tauriel.” Bilbo piped in encouragingly. Thorin opened his mouth, but no noise came out. Dis watched in surprise as Thorin seemed to force himself to relax, pulling on a thin smile instead.  
She quickly spied why. Bilbo had Thorin’s hand in a tight hold, and he kept leaning in to whisper things into Thorin’s ear. Interesting.  
She opened her mouth again, preparing another barb. But Bilbo caught her gaze, and shook his head slightly. Dis raised an eyebrow, but complied. It would be interesting to see how long this could last. 

“Have Balin talk to her.” Thorin’s gruff voice came out, a sharp contrast to the mask he wore as a face. But Kili nodded, and smiled at his uncle, before turning to talk to his brother.  
Dis continued to watch the couple curiously. Bilbo’s hold on Thorin’s hand continued, but the whispering stopped. As she watched, he brought Thorin’s hand up and gave it a small kiss before letting go, returning to his own meal. Without his constraint, Dis expected something. Anything. But Thorin just sat there, eating. 

“How are the renovations progressing?” Dis asked, breaking the long silence. Fili’s face lit up, and he quickly began to give a list of all they had done. His excitement was infectious, and soon the whole table was smiling as they listened to the crown prince.  
“We found old rooms full of old relics, stuff that Smaug didn’t seem to care about or maybe didn’t know existed. That’s where we found a bunch of tapestries!” Fili rambled on.  
Dis nodded encouragingly as her eldest took a pause to breath. It was refreshing, hearing about Erebor through young eyes. Where she could only see destruction, Fili could see history, and renewal.  
“So we put the tapestries back where we could best guess they went. So the one about the 7 Fathers will be in the main court, just above where Uncle’s throne is-,” Fili continued. 

A small thump drew Dis’s attention to her youngest. Kili was slumped forward, his chin in his hand. The young dwarf was undeniably bored. Dis couldn’t help but smile at the gesture. To see her boys have the luxury of boredom was wonderful.  
“And then we found some old armor, including a royal set of archer’s armor, which I thought Kili could use. It’s got lots of embroidery, and baubles, just his style” Fili said, nudging his brother good naturedly.  
“If I can ever shoot well enough again to dare wear it.” Kili said jokingly, nudging his brother back. 

The room froze while the brothers laughed obviously.

Dis’s heart twisted, and her voice came out strangled.  
“I’m sure you can shoot just as well as you did before, Kili.” She smiled at him, but her heart wasn’t in it. 

Kili’s eyebrows drew together in annoyance. Fili immediately quieted down, but he was poised as if to jump to his brother’s defense.  
“Amad, you know that I can’t, and it will take time before I can again.” Kili said quietly. Fili quietly glared from his brother’s side. Kili’s gaze was serious, and Dis knew that she had made a mistake.  
“Anyway, what were you saying about the tapestries again?” Kili started again, his voice cheerful again.  
“You need to stop doing that, Amad.” Fili spoke finally, ignoring his brother’s question. 

“What?” Dis blinked back at her son. Fili’s glare narrowed, and he put down his fork. 

“Pretending that everything is the same as before. Like we’re still pebbles.” He said. 

“I’m not pretending anything-” Dis said back. 

“You flinch every time either of us mention our injuries. The other day you scolded me, in front of our people, as if I was 45 being caught with the cookie jar. We’re grown up, Amad.”  
Fili stood at the table, fury making his voice loud. Kili tried to pull his brother back down, but Fili pulled his elbow out of his younger brother’s grip, and continued to rant.  
“You act as if we haven’t fought in battle, as if we didn’t survive for two years without you!”  
Dis’s eyes widened, and something cold coiled in her stomach. Fili had never spoken to her in such a way before. Her little boy, her little lion, was furious, and she couldn’t do anything. 

“You shouldn’t have even been in that battle, if Thorin-,” Dis snipped back. She tried to keep her voice level, but it was quickly rising. 

“Fili, don’t-” Thorin began, but was quickly cut off. He slumped back in his seat, his mask of indifference replaced with confusion, and anger. 

“Don’t blame Uncle. We chose to go on that quest.” Fili snapped back. His hands gripped the table, and his knuckles were turning white. Kili was gone from his side. 

“You were hardly old enough to make such a decision, and look what it got you! Both of you!” Dis’s voice had raised to full volume, and Fili winced at the noise.  
“Of course, when you do acknowledge our wounds, you can’t see the progress we’ve made. You can only see the damage.” Fili sneered at her.  
The plates in front of them quickly disappeared, and Bilbo disappeared with them. Not that anyone really noticed. But Dis could’ve swore she heard Thorin whisper a thanks to Mahal.

“Because you were damaged! You were hurt and no one was there to protect you.” Dis cried back. How could they not see how she felt? How any mother would feel?  
“We protected each other! Had Uncle and Kili not been there, had Bilbo not been there, I would be dead. We would all be dead, and you would have no one.” 

Dis’s throat constricted. Did he think she didn’t know that? It seemed the silence she gave was what Fili needed.  
“Amad,” He said, the edge leaving his voice, “It is better we were permanently hurt than dead. Would you wish us dead but whole in your memory?”

“How dare you.” Dis whispered. This was all wrong. Her sons didn’t get mad at her. Thorin, he got mad. She could handle that. But her pride and joy was taking Thorin’s side. The man who got them nearly killed.  
This was all Thorin’s fault. 

“This is all your fault.” Dis choked, turning to Thorin. The king turned to her in surprise evident across his face, and no words came from his lips.  
“We were fine, before you decided that you needed to retake Erebor. Before you decided that your own ego was worth a suicide mission, worth my boys lives.” Dis snapped at her brother. Thorin still just sat there. It was infuriating. 

“How selfish to take my boys- my-” Dis’s voice broke

“Selfish? When have I ever been selfish?”,Thorin finally snapped back, “Everything I’ve done has been for my people.” 

“Your people-” She sneered back. Never for anyone but his people. Oh praise the good king, who left his family in the cold but warmed the feet of his people. 

“I did it for you. For your sons.” Thorin thundered, shoving back his seat and standing up to face her. “I did it so you could live as we once did, in the home of our ancestors.”

“When did I ever ask it of you?” Dis retorted. “It was bad enough that you were hardly present for most of my life, but then you take the rest of my family with you.”

He knew how much her sons meant to her. Vili had been gone hardly a day before Dis refused to let either of them out of her sight, something that Thorin had actively encouraged by taking over anything outside the house, down to bringing the groceries.

“Amad, please-” Fili tried. He sounded anxious, and desperate. Dis couldn’t feel bad for him. Her son had started a fire, and he could watch it burn. 

“No Fili, you’ve said enough.” Thorin said, glaring at his sister. Fili made a noise, but didn't try speaking again.

“Dis. I did all I could. While Adad was half-crazed, who fed you? Clothed you?” Thorin spit out as he began to pace the room, “When Amad died, who sat by your bed so you could sleep?” Thorin asked. 

“Oh please, you were hardly there. Not when our parents died, not when Frerin died.” Dis growled. “I was a child left to behave like an adult.”

She had been left to wander into medical tents, where she befriended dwarves who quickly died on her. Dis learned to wrap wounds when she should’ve been playing with her friends, if she had ever had any. Where she had seen things that made battle-hardened warriors queasy.

“I was a child, just like you. But I had to step in instead of Adad, instead of the adults who should’ve.” Thorin said. 

“I didn’t make you!” Dis snapped. As if she could ever make Thorin do anything, let alone for her.

Thorin stared at her with dead eyes. The room felt cold, and Fili had also disappeared from the room, likely after his brother. 

“I don’t regret taking care of you. I regret that there was no one who was old enough who could. I regret a lot, but I am not bitter that I took care of you the best I could. I’m sorry that you are.” Thorin said, his tone softening into what could only be described as sadness. 

Thorin left the room, leaving Dis with her anger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope y'all enjoyed it, this definitely took me a lot longer than I thought it would, but honestly I should expect it at this point. Chapters will likely be at least a week, if not two, out from each other.  
> Such is the fate of things. Also, can you tell that I'm projecting heavy in this one? The Thorin projection really popped out there for a minute.


	5. The Sun and Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili and Kili have some insight.

Thorin walked. He had no direction, and no idea where he was. The edges of his vision blurred as he stumbled along, and any sound was muffled. There was no clearing of his head, no epiphany of justice as he went.  
He simply walked. 

At some point he removed his boots, and let the cool touch of stone calm him. A quiet voice in his head reminded him of his duties, and he avoided the busy areas. His people didn’t deserve to see their king in such distress, and certainly not over their beloved princess. Because she was. Despite everything Dis claimed, she was loved by their people, and had he fallen, she could’ve easily taken his throne.  
Hell, she could take his throne now. He saw the way their people looked at her. If the arkenstone had been a person, she would’ve been it. But she spoke to him as if she was unloved, as if no one cared for her. Did she not know how totally loved she was?  
Thorin always assumed she had friends around her, advisors and near family to keep her company. But the way she talked….had she been as lonely as he was?

He didn’t know when he arrived, but he found himself in a courtyard. A row of benches sat in the middle of it. He took a seat, unaware of the other dwarf in the room. As his senses began to return to him, he realized where he was. It was his mother’s courtyard. Her familiar plots of land, the gentle sculpting of the ground into pathways, all leading to the center where he now sat.  
He stared at the small sculpture in the center. It was her family's crest, from before her marriage into the royal family. Frerin had once said that it helped center her, when their father’s family was too much for her. It was a refuge for her, and later for both Thorin and Frerin. He wondered briefly if Dis ever knew about it, and he felt a pang as he couldn’t recall.  
A sniffing sound broke him out of his thoughts. 

He turned his head slightly, and a flash of brown drew his eyes. He exhaled as he recognized who it was. Kili sat on a bench, further out from the circle where Thorin sat. His back was turned, and his shoulders slumped, and the sight made Thorin want to run.  
He didn’t. Louder and louder voices scolded him for his reaction, for causing such distress in the family he swore to protect. Protocol from an old life resurfaced, reminding him of his failures all over again.  
Kili didn’t look like he knew that his uncle was there. Wrapped up in his own mind, Thorin could easily approach him. But Thorin knew that his nephew had quick reflexes, and had taken to stabbing when surprised. It was a remnant of the battle, and everyone knew to give him a wide berth. 

“Kili?” Thorin called softly from his seat. The lump of his nephew didn’t move, didn’t even flinch. Thorin called his name again, louder this time. Kili shifted, raising his head so his good eye could look over his shoulder. When he saw who it was, he dropped his head.  
“What do you want.” Came a harsh voice. It wasn’t Kili, and it was Kili, all wrapped up into one big mess of pain. 

Thorin’s throat tightened. It wasn’t fair of him, to yell in front of Kili and then expect him not to be mad. But he had hoped. He had hoped that the little boy who looked up to him was still there, and the angry young man that he caught glimpses of between court meetings and family dinners was temporary.  
But Thorin knew better than most of how long anger could linger. Kili and Fili were like the sun and the moon, but Kili and Thorin had always been similar. It scared Thorin, the first time he saw Kili’s anger. He and Fili had been fighting over a toy, and Fili had shoved him, and Kili had just...started screaming. He smacked and yelled and cried until Dis broke them apart. 

Children screamed. Children got angry and fought and did all the stupid things you can’t do as a functioning adult. But Fili didn’t fight like Kili did, he didn’t scream like he did, everything about him was subdued compared to his brother.  
Thorin didn’t know if it was natural, or if Fili was thrown into a role too big for him, but it happened nonetheless.  
Fili had anger. It was slow burning, patient, and righteous. He didn’t yell over perceived slights. It came out in a roar, and subdued just as quickly.  
But Kili could burn like the sun. 

“I shouldn’t have yelled in front of you.” Thorin said. 

Kili made a disgruntled noise. 

“I’m sorry.” Thorin tried.

“You keep saying that.” Kili said as he shifted, turning so that his side was now facing Thorin. His good eye peeked out, glaring just above his uncle's head. 

“I mean it.” Thorin moved to join Kili’s section of the courtyard, finding a bench across from his nephew to sit on.  
“You mean everything you say. Doesn’t mean it helps.” Kili sniped from his seat. He was curled around himself now, his knees folded up in front of him and his arms crossed.  
Thorin sighed.

“I thought it would be better.” Kili said. His voice was getting stronger with every passing word. “I thought if. If we claimed Erebor. That you two wouldn’t be so mad all the time.”

Thorin watched him as Kili uncurled from himself. 

“Why can’t you two ever just _listen_ to each other. Why do you constantly bring up old grudges? It’s like you two don’t even want to get along.” Kili was standing now, gesturing outwards aggressively with his arms. His eyes were cold as they watched for Thorin’s reaction.

“I tried when she first arrived. I don’t think she wants to get along.” Thorin responded. He stayed in his seat, giving Kili the room to move about. Idly, Thorin traced the lines along his hands, his head hung down. 

“She gave up.” Kili snorted. 

Thorin looked up in surprise. 

“You have no idea, do you?” Kili said, giving Thorin an angry once over, and walking away. He began to pace, and Thorin braced himself for the storm that was coming. “You have no idea about how hard she tried, over and over, just to get nothing in return?”.

“She tried for _years_ , Thorin.” Kili kicked the bench, and Thorin nearly winced at the abruptness. “ _Years!_ I got to watch as you shot down invitation after invitation to join us, to eat with us, even ignoring her when she was talking directly to you.” Kili said lowly. He had begun pacing the pathway in front of Thorin, the need to move clear across his body language.  
Thorin felt cold. He had faded memories of a happier Dis, trying to badger him into a meal or asking him to watch the boys. Still...he didn’t remember this.  
“She used to tell me stories about you.” Kili shoved at one of the empty pots along the walkway, and Thorin tensed as it fell over with a loud thump. 

Thorin winced, but Kili shook his head.  
“Not like that. She told how you _protected_ us. How much you loved us, and the battles you fought for us.” Kili explained. Despite his words, his voice still rang with barely concealed rage.  
Thorin blinked at Kili. He didn’t know that. That Dis, at some point, had believed in him.  
“I don’t know if she believed it, but she desperately wanted us to.” Kili continued. His pacing was aggressive, as if he was trying to wear a hole in the stone.  
“She’s a good mother.” Thorin offered quietly. Kili spun on his heel to face Thorin, and angrily pointed at him.  
“You should tell her that sometime.”  
“I’m sure she knows.” Thorin said. Didn’t she? Dis had to know. Thorin respected her above all others, and he had always admired her ability to survive. Didn’t she know? Maybe, Thorin thought with a growing horror, maybe she really did think he had left her all alone on purpose. 

“You always assume people just _know_. She has no idea what you’re thinking.” Kili sneered, before turning away from Thorin and pacing once more, “When you took Fili with you for the day, and it was just me and Amad. She would cry.” Kili paused, his voice catching. “She thought I didn’t know, at first. Eventually we both knew that I knew. We just never talked about it.”  
“I’m sorry.” Thorin said. It was all he could think. He didn’t know how to fix anything. 

“Stop _saying_ that!” Kili snapped, slamming a hand down on the arm of the bench beside him. “You’re always saying that, and I know you _mean_ it, but sorry doesn’t fix _anything!_ Sorry doesn’t fix the fact that you shot down her every attempt of understanding and wish to reconnect. You’re sorry, and, Uncle, that’s the first step, but you have to realize there’s more _to it_ than that. You have to--,” he paused, breathing heavily. His eyebrows narrowed as the attempt to find words failed and let out a frustrated growl.

“You’re complaining about _her_ shooting down your attempts at reconnecting with no self awareness, and it’s infuriating to watch.”

Kili slumped back on to the bench heavily, as if the air had left him and put his face into his hands.  
Thorin stared in shock. Never before had Kili spoken to him in such a way. There had been moments, where Kili had snapped at him, but this was beyond childhood tantrums. Thorin shook his head. It wasn’t a tantrum. Kili was right.  
Thorin considered reaching out to him, offering comfort of some kind. But something told him otherwise, and he left the courtyard behind, Kili included. 

xX Dis Xx

“Amad?” Fili said softly. Dis sat at the table, still as a statue. She stared at the spot where Thorin had last been sitting, and couldn’t pull her eyes away. Her mind simmered, and her tongue felt like lead.  
“Go away.” She finally managed, barely moving her mouth. She stood stiffly, and walked to the corner of the room where a small sitting couch sat. There she sat, still staring straight ahead.  
A warm presence found her right side, and gold hair filled a corner in her vision as Fili pressed into her side. He fiddled with the braid that flowed down the side of her head, the only one that lay single from the rest on that side.  
“I thought I told you to go away.” She snapped. But her voice only came out sounding hollow, and Fili stayed beside her. She could practically hear the gears turning in her son's head, but no words came out, so they sat in silence.  
The dinner table had been cleared sometime between civil conversation and now. But one lone glass sat there, and Dis sighed. It wasn’t fair to Bilbo. He had been practically glowing when she agreed to come to dinner, clearly hoping to fix their families' mess the way he had fixed so many other things.  
“He’s not selfish.” Fili finally let out. She didn’t have to ask who. Dis grunted in response, still focused on the lone glass across the room. 

“Amad,” Fili tried again, “He loves us.”

“I know.” Dis finally spoke. Thorin loved all of them, but it was no comfort. It only showed his own blindness to those he cared for.  
“I know you say it’s not my place, but,” Fili sighed, “you two are getting nowhere.”

Dis didn’t respond. 

“I know...I know he wasn’t there for you. But he’s right. We wouldn’t have survived without him.” Fili said. He sighed, and pulled his head off of her shoulder. “You can’t keep blaming him for doing what was needed.”

Dis bristled. Fili knew nothing of what had been needed. He had hardly been a thought when everything started. He hadn’t seen the pain that they went through, he didn’t know about those first cold nights. He had no idea what it was like to be unable to talk to your brother. But maybe. Maybe he was right. She couldn’t imagine where she would be had Thorin not stepped in when  
Of course, she wouldn’t wish any of it on him either. She tried to relax her shoulders, and calm her mind, so that when she spoke she wouldn’t break any further familial ties. And for once in a long time, she listened to Fili. 

“Thorin has changed. Whatever crimes you still hold him to, they were not committed by the dwarf that dined with us tonight.” Fili said. He leaned back in the seat next to Dis, turning slightly so that he could still see her. Dis copied the move.  
“Pretty words.” Dis said. She crossed her arms, waiting for what defense her eldest could come up with now.  
“I learned from the best.” Fili sighed, running his hands through his hair. “But it’s true. Thorin changed, especially after we took Erebor. First the arkenstone, then the battle. He-”  
“What does the arkenstone have to do with anything?” Dis asked sharply. When she had asked Balin about it, the older dwarf had told her it was lost in the lake when Smaug attacked Esgaroth. But the way her son spoke...something else clearly happened. 

Fili stood up, and she was reminded, once again, of how like his father he was. He looked her in the face, and offered his hand.  
“I think you need to talk to Bilbo.” Fili murmured, and Dis let her eldest son lead her out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo this took me about 3 weeks, and I was only able to finish it because of my best friend sitting down and helping me edit. But, its progress! I hope you enjoyed this, and I hope to work on the next chapter soon. As always, comments and kudos are appreciated! Thank you for reading!


	6. A hobbit and his sister in law

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So the most obvious lack of canon compliance starts to show in this chapter, beyond the whole the Durins didn't die thing. Bilbo has things to say....which some of you may like, others might like it less.

They found Bilbo in his garden. It was evening, but that did not matter, as his garden was entirely light by glowing gems. It had been a wedding present from Thorin, that much Dis knew, and Bilbo clearly cherished it.   
His figure was crouched over a plant, where little green tomatoes were growing. Dis counted four as Bilbo stood up and turned to face them. His face was grim set, and his stance guarded. He kept his steady gaze on Fili, not even flickering her way, and Dis tensed her shoulders as she prepared for another fight.   
“What do you want?” Bilbo asked. His voice was strained.   
“I need you to talk about Thorin.” Fili responded. He nodded towards Dis, which left her feeling like a kid about to be scolded, but she held her tongue. She wanted this to go well. Whatever _this_ was.   
“What about him?” Bilbo said. He eyed her suspiciously. He wiped the dirt from his hands onto his trousers, and sat on the stone path that they stood on. With one hand he indicated them to do the same, and soon they were all seated.   
“I just want you to tell her about the Thorin you know. Not his public persona, or what you’ve heard.” Fili said, in what Dis assumed was an attempt to be reassuring. It seemed to work, as the suspicion in Bilbo’s eyes died down and a look of understanding took its place.   
“I’ll tell you what I know.” He agreed, and leaned back to rest his hands behind him. 

“You’ll tell me the truth? No hiding anything?” Dis said. She practically demanded it, and expected Bilbo to bristle at the implication of her lack of trust. But Bilbo was not a dwarf, and just nodded thoughtfully.   
“I will tell you what I believe to be the truth.” Bilbo said, “What I see. And-” Bilbo glared at her for a moment, then repeating with Fili, “Without any unhelpful comments from either of you.”

“Let me start from the beginning.” 

“Your brother showed up late to a party I didn’t know I was hosting, and then proceeded to insult both my abilities as a host and as a functioning adult. He was rude, and full of himself, and stunk of weeks of travel.” Bilbo said flatly.   
Dis let out a surprised snort. She hadn’t expected...that much honesty. But she kept her mouth shut as he sent her a warning glance.   
“I didn’t want to go on the journey. Sure, Thorin was a very attractive dwarf, despite...everything, but I’m not so foolish to run off for a pretty face.” Bilbo said, “But then he had to sing, and it got stuck in my head, and so there I was, running off for a pretty face and a deep voice.”  
She would hardly call her brother attractive, and Dis didn’t stop her laughter this time, with Fili joining in, and Bilbo cracked a smile.   
“Yes, well, you can blame my mother for that. She was a Took.” 

Dis filed away a mental note to ask him later what the hell a Took was.

“He hated me for the first half. Thought I didn’t have anything to offer, and frankly, that was an honest appraisal,” Fili made a noise of disagreement, but Bilbo waved him away, “No, it's true, I had no skills that helped us, other than being generally small and getting in the way. Sure I got us out of the whole troll situation, but I was also the one that got myself caught, so-”

“Troll...situation?” Dis asked. She had only heard the secondhand story from her sons, and she was starting to get the feeling that they had left some things out as she wracked her brain for any mention of trolls.   
“Your sons lost our ponies to some trolls.” Bilbo said. “Anyway, he wasn’t too excited about me, and I was trying to fight a crush on the most emotionally stunted dwarf I had ever met.” Bilbo sighed, “I always did have to go after the unavailable ones.”   
Fili snorted, and Dis decided that she liked Bilbo. She also filed away the fact that both of her sons had managed to cause trouble, and to ask some very pointed questions later. 

“Then...well then we got caught by the goblins, and that was a whole mess, and I nearly got killed by a creature that lived under them. Then...well then Azog happened.”  
This part Dis knew well. Kili told anyone who would listen that Bilbo was brave, constantly citing his brave defense against Azog. But Dis already knew that Bilbo had to be brave to marry her brother.   
“I don’t remember how it happened, but I was standing in front of Thorin, scared witless, and stabbing at anything vaguely orcish. I was terrified. Then the eagles were there and we were safe.” Bilbo smiled softly. “Then, then he apologized to me for the first time.”  
Dis nodded along. She didn’t recognize this either, and she eyed her son accusingly. Fili smirked back at her, before leaning forward to whisper loudly. “You forgot the hug.” 

Bilbo flushed. It was rather cute, even if he still was an odd looking thing.   
“Yes, Well, he hugged me after he apologized.” He quickly elaborated before Fili could, which was smart, considering how much Fili liked to tease. Dis roughly nudged Fili in the side, and a wolfish grin slid off his face. Bilbo picked absently at his pants as they waited for more.   
“We started talking after that. I started joining him on his watches, and he often walked beside me. All my previous notions of him were pretty much shown wrong, in one way or another. Although, I still stand on the fact that he can be very rude when he wants to be.” Bilbo shook his head, and Dis couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen someone so affectionately annoyed.   
“I had always thought he was a brave fighter, and all those great things that I’m sure you're tired of hearing about your brother. But it’s true. He’s protective, and brave, and puts others before him to a fault, and while he’s not naturally kind, he’s not needlessly cruel.”  
“That's because he always has a reason when he’s mean.” Fili quipped.   
“What did I say about unnecessary comments?” Bilbo raised his eyebrows at Fili, and then shook his head. “Yes, he has the capacity for cruelty. Everyone does. But, he’s trying.”

“Anyway, by the time we reached Mirkwood we had a pretty good understanding of each other. He listened to me rattle on about gardens and poetry and nosy relatives, and I listened when he talked about Erebor, and smithing, and his family.” Bilbo smiled. 

Dis fidgeted in her seat as she listened. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to know how her brother and Bilbo got together, it was just that she couldn’t see the point. Where was the change? Bilbo had said it himself, that all of the qualities he admired in Thorin were things she had heard many times before.   
“I’ve heard about the quest before. I don’t understand what your point is.” She said. Fili nudged her in the side with his elbow, but she wasn’t easily swayed like Kili, and ignored him.   
A glare crossed Bilbo’s face before he could quickly school his expression to neutral again.   
“Did you want my perspective, or not?” He snipped, standing up. Suddenly he was towering over them, and perhaps now Dis understood how Bilbo was on even ground with Thorin. Bilbo turned away from them, heading back to the plant that she had seen him tending to before.   
Fili stood up and followed Bilbo, waving a hand to indicate Dis to do the same. They carefully sat by Bilbo’s turned back, and watched as he fiddled with the ties that kept the tomato plant to a thin piece of stone sticking out of the ground. Bilbo turned around and jumped when he noticed them. He snorted again, before sighing and sitting down in front of them. He fiddled with his waistcoat pocket, leaning on his other arm. 

“You know that we were captured by the Mirkwood elves, correct?” He asked.   
Dis nodded. Balin had told her what she needed to know for dealing with the Elves, and while she didn’t have the deep hatred her brother harbored for them, she still wasn’t a fan.   
“Thorin was kept separate from everyone else in the cells. It took me a week just to find him. But that's when I got to see the other side of him. He was beaten down to his core self, half starving, and I fell in love with him.” Bilbo lifted up his head, smiling softly. 

Dis raised an eyebrow at him. It all sounded too picture book. How could Thorin, asshole of the century, manage to get someone so...level headed. And generally nice. It was bittersweet that she could lose her own love so soon after their meeting, being as safe as they were, and Thorin tromps off on a deathwish quest with his and they both survive. 

“I brought him extra food when I could. And he...he just talked. He apologized, again, for the way he treated me before. Actually,” Bilbo laughed, “He tried to fit an apology in every time we talked. For a week straight. It was exhausting.”

Dis nodded in understanding. It was...unnerving to just have Thorin say sorry. It was even worse when he expected it to just fix everything. Long ago she would’ve said that an apology from him would mean the world, but now it just made her uncomfortable.   
“One time I finally snapped back at him.” Bilbo sighed, and a shadow passed over his face as he leaned forward, his hands clasped in front of him. “I asked him, ‘Are you sorry for your actions, or are you sorry that I proved you wrong by being useful?’”   
Dis’s eyes widened. The hobbit was braver than she thought. Thorin’s anger alone was enough to deter something so plainly spoken. But Bilbo wasn’t done speaking, so she pushed her thoughts to the side.   
“After he froze for a frankly dramatically long time, he said back, and I’m quoting, “I was wrong to behave that way to you, or anyone. I’ve been wrong about a lot of things.” Bilbo smiled, and unclasped his hands, splaying them out. He stared down at them for a moment, before letting them go limp and looking back up at them. “That’s when I knew that he wasn’t the jerk I thought he was.”

Dis cleared her throat, bringing two sets of eyes to her.   
“Did he say...what else he was wrong about?” She asked quietly. Any previous anger was long gone, and she felt drained to the bone. But her curiosity was alive and well, and so she raised her chin and stared Bilbo in the face. 

Bilbo stared back with a knowing look. 

“I think you should ask him yourself.” He said simply. Dis glared at him, but he just smiled back, clearly enjoying her annoyance. Hobbits were weird.   
“Anyway, after we got out of Mirkwood and into Esgaroth, I got really sick. Stuck in bed, mild fever, cold chills sick. We were stuck there for an extra week because of me, making us precariously close to Durin’s Day. I knew, by then, that I was a part of the group, but...I still worried that Thorin would leave me behind.” 

Fili made a noise of anguish and scooted closer to Bilbo, pulling the hobbit into a tight side hug. “We never would’ve left you behind.”

“Because you needed me to sneak in Erebor, or because you cared?” Bilbo asked dryly, although not unkindly. He smirked slightly at the face of despair that Fili made, only to regret it moments later when the prince hugged him even tighter.   
“Anyway, Thorin didn’t leave me behind. Instead, he stayed with me nearly every day, and talked my ear off. You wouldn’t think, looking at him, that he likes to talk. But he does.” Bilbo chuckled.   
He tried in vain to shake off Fili’s vice-like grip, much to Dis’s amusement. She just shook her head sympathetically.   
“I learned long ago that Fili is the only one who can remove himself from another’s person.” She said. 

Bilbo sighed before finally giving in. He rested the side of his head against Fili’s, smiling slightly at Dis as the prince just snuggled in closer.   
“I got better after that week, obviously, but I never forgot the general...kindness that Thorin showed while I was unwell, and the cheer that he brought me that no one else could. It was the first clue that I was hopelessly head over heels.”  
Dis snorted at this. She could’ve picked any moment through his story where he had been clearly infatuated, but something about the glare he was sending her way was saying he wouldn’t appreciate hearing that. So instead she sat in silence as she waited for him to continue. 

“After...after Smaug, Thorin was different. Meaner.” Bilbo said quietly. Dis stilled as she listened. She hadn’t heard this part of the story before.   
“He didn’t care about rest, or food, and he thought everyone else should do the same. That damn stone,” Bilbo muttered, mostly to himself, before continuing, “The arkenstone was twisting everyone, but him the most. I could break through to him, sometimes, and Thorin likes to tell me that I was the only voice he remembers from that time.”   
Dis tightened her fist around the fabric of her pants. She knew, immediately, what Bilbo was trying to tell her. Thorin had fallen to the curse that plagued her family, and somehow survived it.   
Fleeting memories of her grandfather filled her mind. She had hated him then, for being so captured by a shiny stone that he could not feed his own family. Now, she hated him more, now that she knew someone could survive it. 

“He finally broke of it, but not before I was banished from Erebor for giving Bard the Arkenstone.”  
“And nearly killed.” Fili grumbled, and Bilbo shot him a glare. 

Dis narrowed her eyes. She knew what lengths the sickness could pull at someone, and twist them into something else. Violence had always been a sad possibility, but nothing she ever recalled actually occurring.   
“What do you mean?” She asked. 

Bilbo sighed. “I didn’t want to tell this part. It won't help prove my point.”

“You promised to tell me the truth,” She pointed out, “And if it’s truly forgivable, it won't hurt your case.”  
“I hate how logical you are.” Bilbo snorted, but seemed to agree. His jaw tightened, and he stared at something above her head, as if to brave through it, “Before I was banished, we were standing up on those ramparts above the gate. It was revealed that I had given away the Arkenstone, and Thorin held me over the walls, threatening to kill me.”

“That miserable, little, Sauron-cursed-,” Dis hissed as she hastened to get to her feet. “I’ll kill him. You hear me- I’ll-”  
“Dis.” Bilbo stepped forward and put his hands on her shoulders as if to push her to the ground, and in her shock she let him. “He apologized. Profusely. He also tried to give up his crown, and then disappeared for a week as some sort of self punishment, the fool-” Bilbo grumbled before setting narrowed eyes on her, “And I’ve forgiven him time and again.”

“He nearly killed you, Bilbo. We have laws in place for such things.” Dis said. She grew more angry as she realized Fili hadn’t said a word, and didn’t look concerned at all.   
“How could you let them get married?” She sniped at Fili. He blinked at her, but didn’t answer. Instead, he shifted uneasily as he glanced over at Bilbo, who was turning a deep shade of red. 

“No one. _Lets_ me do anything.” Bilbo hissed. Dis stilled as she looked at the irate hobbit in front of her. Perhaps the Durins weren’t the only ones with tempers.   
“You listen to me right now. Thorin made me promise not to interfere, and the only reason I’m saying this is because you asked me. I married Thorin because I love him, and because I know that he was not himself during those first weeks here. I understand-” And at this his right hand goes into a waistcoat pocket, fiddling with something. A twisting of unease began to unleash itself in Dis’s stomach, although she could not place why.   
“I understand the power of dark magic, and he’s told me that he was fighting it as much as he could.”

“Likely story. My grandfather-”   
“I know about Thror. But Thorin isn’t your grandfather, and the gold sickness isn’t coming back.” Bilbo interrupted her.   
“How do you know that-”  
“Because I know my husband. He is constantly on watch. He refuses opulence. Have you noticed how he dresses? No gold, not even silver. He avoids the treasury, and he makes Balin deal with any major transactions.” Bilbo spoke almost reverently, and Dis twisted uncomfortably in her seat, “And he has made me promise to leave him the minute I think the sickness is returning, and find Dwalin so that he can either yell it out of him, or kill him before he can harm me, or anyone else.”

Dis swallowed any words that wanted to escape. Snide remarks would get her nowhere with this child of the west. He had the strangest ability to deflect anything she shot at him with a smile, and didn’t rise to meet any challenge she gave him. It should’ve been obvious from the start not to treat him like a dwarf, but old habits die hard.   
Then his words began to sink in. With every word that Bilbo spoke, she had grown more and more uncomfortable. This Thorin that he saw...was it really the same dwarf? Who was the blind one? The one who had met him with untarnished eyes, or the sister who had grown bitter years ago?

xX Thorin Xx

Thorin floated through the rest of the evening until he found himself in his rooms. He didn’t know if it had been 5 minutes or hours since he had spoken to Kili, the only sense of time within the room was a small window in Bilbo’s study. He peaked in, seeing the study empty, and the darkening sky through the window. Only the early stars were peaking through.   
Thorin wandered back through the rooms till he hit the kitchen, and made two cups of tea. He hadn’t liked tea much, but Bilbo always liked it when he drank it with him, and was always talking about the health benefits of the different herbal types. So Thorin drank the leaf water without complaint, in return for Bilbo’s company.   
Then, he built the fire up in their sitting room, and waited for his husband to return.

Bilbo did return, eventually, about two hours later. He found Thorin fast asleep in his armchair, and two cups of cold tea on the table in front of him. He gently woke his husband and helped him into bed, before crawling in beside him.   
Any conversations could wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a roll with these chapters, and I'm really starting to enjoy Dis's pov. I feel bad for poor Bilbo, dealing with the hardheaded Durins...maybe one day I'll write a bit of his pov for this. I hope you enjoyed it! As always, comments and kudos are appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope yall enjoyed it. As always, kudos and comments are cherished. I should have the second chapter up in the next few days. Thank you for reading!


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